This post was originally drafted almost two years ago, but I never actually posted it. After socializing with a few close friends and family, I realized it needed major revision. I had a hard time taking the axe to it. Much as Jane Fonda did to her masterpiece in the making in the movie "The Dollmaker." Not that I am comparing myself to her movie character Gertie Nevels, but in a similar fashion I feel compelled to finally do that which I considered unthinkable. Please enjoy what hopefully will be the first in a new series of posts from your Intrepid Dining Scout and Shadetree Chef...
I have been thinking a lot about something lately. Milestones and how we celebrate them. Probably best to unpack it slowly and separately from another loosely connected topic I intend to cover in the near future.
I vaguely recall my parents playing a popular card game when I was just a kid. In the truly ancient times, even before the advent of UNO (gasp!) At least in our house. It was based on a French card game - Mille Bornes. (Translation: Thousand Mile Stones) Back in the days when every home had at least one fondue pot and at least three relatives who liked to French braid their hair... Parker Brothers probably figured anything that sounded French would fast become a household item. I have no idea how the game worked or why it popped into my mind, but I had to share it. Maybe your parents played it too? It was something the adults did while us kids were in the next room playing Atari praying they would lose track of time and we would get to stay up late. And our Atari didn't have any number behind it either. Ancient times. Different times. Since I am sure after all this time of waiting, you expect some mention of a real milestone... I will get to the point. The particular milestone I am thinking about in my life right now is I recently used up a box of 200 inter-folded foil sheets (12 inches by 10 3/4 inches). Anyone who has ever worked in food service is likely familiar with them. They are used to wrap any number of food items before handing them to the customer. I have used them for one thing and one thing only. Wrapping breakfast burritos. I am sure it seems silly to consider this a significant lifetime achievement or a even a informally celebrated milestone. After all, who throws a party to celebrate using up a box of plastic wrap or aluminum foil? "Honey, call all our friends and break out our best wine! I just finished the box of gallon-size freezer bags! It is time to PARTAYYYYY!" -laughing out loud-
Perhaps if I provide some additional background, you will begin to understand the personal significance and why I mark it as a meaningful milestone not just for me, but for my lovely wife too. You see, the reason I bought that box of foil sheets in the first place was at her insistence. Not only did she determine I REALLY NEEDED THEM, but she also decided the particular size that would work best - and as it turned out in this case, size does matter. (chortle) She got tired of watching me randomly tear off pieces of aluminum foil of random shapes and sizes (a Herculean task to do this precisely and consistently, I might add) every time I wanted to make handful of breakfast burritos for my duck hunting friends to enjoy while shivering away in the arctic cold of late waterfowl season. I never could quite get the size right, struggled to get them wrapped properly and often times made a mess needlessly. So as loving wives often do, she watched me struggle for a little bit... Offered her considered advice... Overcame my determined resistance... and then jumped right in to save the day.
I know I have mentioned before... My wife doesn't enjoy cooking and is content to not help out in the kitchen, but she will help assemble breakfast burritos without too much arm-twisting. (earnest grin) She is also indescribably good at it. She makes them faster, neater, and WAY MORE consistent than me, at any rate. Which is key, because breakfast burritos have become almost a cottage industry in our house. We have made as many as 30 or 40 at a time and as few as a half dozen. In total, over the course of little less than a year, we made 200. Many times, I leave my house in the morning with an insulated carrier full of them not knowing who will be enjoying them. You see, I always make extras beyond those I know will be expecting one... Just in case I run into some hungry random stranger that can't turn down a warm hearty breakfast all wrapped up in a large flour tortilla. When I go to the sporting clays range for events, I always take enough for the folks that are working the course. I have made it a habit to take care of the people that take care of me. Even today, I am not sure I have met all of them face to face. I usually hand off a number to Ian Hurd (no relation that we know of) and tell him to spread them around. He always offers a sincere 'thanks' and tells me how much the gang looks forward to the grub. Thankfully, I have yet to hear the first complaint.
The beauty part of this whole enterprise is that I have never asked, nor ever expected anyone to pay a price for what they have received. Many have offered. I have always politely declined. I enjoy hearing how much folks enjoy them, but I dare say absent that I would still be handing them out to anyone and everyone. Considering that is the thing that businesses celebrate almost universally is being paid for what they do, I am wondering how it is I am getting this whole thing backwards? If you look carefully at the walls of nearly any business enterprise you will likely find a framed piece of legal tender. It might be a one dollar bill, twenty dollar bill, or a check for some large amount. It is never the amount that matters, just the date. It signifies the official start of their business operations. I see now why they do that. Looking back, I can't be sure when my little burrito making operation really started. Did it start during duck season 5 years ago? Or was it when my lovely wife exercised some process improvement and upgraded my process and materials and also decided to expand the human resources of my operation? Or was it the day I realized we had made a significant number and first contemplated the possibilities of future expansion? I really don't know, but one thing is for certain. Asking folks to pay for them would have completely changed the experience for me and I do not ever see myself doing that. It's just not how I roll.
Rather than expend too much effort on celebration of the aforementioned milestone. I have done what anyone would do in similar circumstances. I bought another package of foil sheets and this time I got the 500 pack rather than just 200. I will mention that I have not yet reached the bottom of the box, but I am definitely past the halfway mark. If you haven't yet sampled one of Big Mike's semi-legendary breakfast burritos, let me know. I will put you on the short list for the next round.
Since it has been an incredibly long gap between this post and the previous one. I am going to wrap here with a teaser about my next post. I will take a longer look about why I take joy in giving food away to friends and strangers. Hope my small but dedicated readership will stick around and read it. Too soon to tell if this will be the makings of a triumphant return to regular writing. Look forward to hearing from you all about it. I know this one is long, but feels a bit incomplete. Maybe like the much maligned "bridge to nowhere?" Only difference is that this did not involve obscene sums of your (tax) dollars. Just a few minutes of your time. Count that as a blessing. I know I do.
PS - Apologies to Mr. Profitt and Mrs. MacCorkle and a host of other English teachers in between. I have not taken the time to have someone proof this for grammar. I may be atrocious, but it is now in the books. I will take time to diagram it all later. (big smile) Maybe if it is interesting enough, the grammar errors will pass by unnoticed. (nervous sigh)
Your Dining Scout and Shade Tree Chef,
Michael Hurd - aks Big Mike
